


Pipe Dream

by afrocurl



Category: Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Past Rape/Non-con, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-24
Updated: 2006-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-13 11:23:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2148918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afrocurl/pseuds/afrocurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lamb solves the big case, without help from Veronica.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pipe Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://vmlyricfic.livejournal.com/profile)[**vmlyricfic**](http://vmlyricfic.livejournal.com/)'s "More Cowbell!" challenge. Prompts in in a post-fic note, as usual. Thanks go out to [](http://rowanceleste.livejournal.com/profile)[**rowanceleste**](http://rowanceleste.livejournal.com/) and [](http://chaotic4life.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://chaotic4life.livejournal.com/)**chaotic4life** for betaing this fic, and generally making sure it didn't scare too many people. At this point, all mistakes are mine.

It had taken him weeks to figure it out, but one night, buzzed off of beer from some 09er party, the case came together. He probably shouldn’t tell anyone in the morning that this revelation came under those particular circumstances, but it didn’t really matter. There was going to be a personal reward later when he would watch Veronica realize he’d beaten her. That was worth anything he’d done in the last few months to solve the case.

He was about to prove that he was smarter than Veronica Mars. He wanted to relish that fact. Slowly sipping the frosty mug, he realized that this was the first time that he did everything absolutely right since taking over as Sheriff from Keith three years ago. It felt good, he mused as he finished off this beer. Maybe doing the right thing didn’t have to compromise his ability to pester the Mars family. Too bad he was too lazy to get up and put more beer in the mug, but he liked thinking about how best to goad Veronica better.

There needed to be a better way to celebrate this occasion, but calling Veronica would ruin the moment. He needed to walk into the office, get everything written down and then call a press conference to tell all of Neptune that the Hearst Rapist was none other than Fern Torres, the overtly angry feminist who hated any other woman for putting herself out there for men to ogle. His victory needed to be public, and about how he had solved the big case for once.

Fern’s attitude towards most of the sororities at Hearst, as well as her _cheery_ disposition towards men had niggled at the back of Lamb’s brain since he discovered that she had kneed Dick Casablancas at the Take Back the Night Rally. Of course, Veronica had been by to tell him that Fern was less than willing to help her while she was being driven home one night, but that didn’t factor into Lamb’s realization at all. Fern was always around the parties that were responsible for each of the girls, especially once he realized that she worked every weekend for the Safe Ride program. Taking home the drunken girls was an easy enough way to get into their rooms and show them just how much they needed to watch themselves. It helped that the frats were good about slipping roofies in all of the beer to these girls—easy marks the lot of them, he’d realized once she was alone with him in the interrogation room.

General feelings of hate towards most people were a clear sign that Fern was not well adjusted and capable of doing anything to put down a group of people that she despised. She wasn’t as vicious as other people he knew—she didn’t blow up a bus full of kids and a plane like Cassidy Casablancas, nor had she decided to seduce and then murder someone in order to protect her own reputation, but that really wasn’t saying much. Aaron and Cassidy pretty much stood out as the most despicable people in Neptune, but Fern might close ranks soon enough. Female rapists were pretty rare, he realized, and she had the whole creepy-person-who-no-one-expects vibe like Cassidy.

She had decided to get back at all of the women who tried to get laid with the help of her trusty vibrator and an electric razor stolen from one of the frat houses one night. It also helped that she’d somehow befriended a few sorority girls to gain even more access to the drunk and slutty when the frats weren’t involved. Hearst had plenty of reason to shut down the houses now, even though no one connected with a frat or sorority was involved directly.

Her latest interview with Lamb had been pretty combative, and reminded him of Veronica, but with less sweetness under all the bitterness. She snarked as well as that annoying blonde, but it wasn’t as fun as he would have liked. No one bated him like Veronica, but that probably explained why he had such luck with this case. That tiny blonde was off fucking that Echolls punk, and he was happier that way—really, he was. He did learn that Fern was smarter than he thought before; she did enough to throw Mars off her tracks. Veronica fell for Fern’s trap and believed that Claire had been raped and Veronica took that lead and ran with it all the way to a dead end. The more time she spent sneaking around campus looking for clues that were planted by the Lilith House, the more time he had to do his damn job and keep Balboa County safe. Never would it be say that Donald Lamb was stupid enough to listen to anyone crying wolf about being raped.

Now that he’d solved the case, though, maybe he’d finally get a little more of the respect he deserved from this town. Fern was sitting in a cell after he picked her up with all of the evidence he needed. Stupidly, she was outside of her latest victim’s room, with a bag full of blonde hair, a razor and a vibrator. He was officially going to parade around town once he called this press conference. Veronica needed to be there, of course, so it had to be at a time when she’d be likely to want to ditch class or when she was supposed to be working at the lame new job of hers at the library. Why he remembered where she worked, he didn’t know, but it didn’t really matter. Don Lamb had beaten Veronica Mars, and soon all of Neptune would hear about it.

~*~

Everyone at Hearst College that had a vested interest in the rape case stood outside the Balboa County Courthouse while Lamb announced the capture of Fern Torres in connection with all of the rapes from the last year. Veronica stood by with a smug expression on her face while Lamb babbled about how much safer Neptune, and Hearst College were going to be without this threat around.

As he finished his speech, he smirked at Veronica without trying to attract too much attention to her. She huffed in response and hurried off as the crowd dissipated.

Lamb 1, Veronica Mars 0, he thought smugly as he walked back into the office to finish off the paperwork.

Suddenly a loud air horn rang out from his office. Annoyed, Lamb looked up to see Veronica standing in his doorway, Sacks off by the desk.

“What do you want now, Mars?” he snapped.

“Oh, I don’t know, Deputy. I think I did your job again.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Just that Chip is waiting outside waiting to be arrested. He confessed to raping Parker and all of the other girls last year.”

“You mean to tell me that you’ve nailed, pardon the expression, the president of Pi Sigma Sigma for all of the rapes? I don’t suppose you actually have any evidence? How do you know Fern’s not secretly his girlfriend and he’s confessing to keep his lady friend out of jail?”

“I’m smarter than you, remember.” She turned to go, dropping an audiotape and a thick file folder on his desk. “This should be enough evidence to get you a search warrant. Apparently Chip liked keeping souvenirs.”

A scowl crosses his face as he thought back to his earlier press conference. “I bet she figured it out before I even scheduled that conference,” he mutters darkly to himself.

Cursing under his breath he kissed his landslide re-election dreams goodbye. He really did hate his life on days like this.

“Sacks!” he yelled, “Get your ass in here!”

Slowly Sacks walked into the office before stopping in front of him. “Why did you let her in here when I said no visitors?”

Shifting his gaze down, Sacks muttered in response, “she said it was important.”

“Haven’t I told you that you can’t believe a word out of her mouth?”

“ Sorry, Sheriff. She said she had information pertaining to the Hearst case. I thought you would want to hear it.”

“We’re done here. Bring that dick, Chip into the interrogation room, and I’ll make sure she’s got her facts straight.” Lamb sat up, fixed the disheveled look of his shirt, and got ready to face a true idiot. Sacks backed away, and followed instructions.

“Time to tell his punk that he needs to see the Wizard and ask for some brains.”

It was too bad he couldn’t really believe that his press conference was the truth. He needed one good thing, and instead he was stuck with some dumbshit frat boy who didn’t know how to destroy evidence.

~*~

 

**Note, the second:** object: Air horn, and lyric: "I almost thought it was true for a while" from _Goin' Through the Motions_.


End file.
